Breathing

Song of the day is “Work” by Jars of Clay (surprise surprise!)

yes, i realize he resembles Snape in this video, it is a bit odd

I have no fear of drowning
It’s the breathing that’s taking all this work.

Sometimes life really does feel that way (for me at least). There have been times when it seems like it’s harder to get out of bed and live the day than it would to …. well, the best way to phrase this is … not. I admit, I was a huge rut there for the longest time. There are moments (no longer days) where I feel that way. It of course, goes further than just getting out of bed, but that’s the least revealing metaphor I can come up with right now.

Do you know what I mean when I say, “I don’t want to be alone”?

There are many different ways a person can “feel alone.” Being alone spiritually, not being around your friends as much, being really distant with (nearly all) of your family, and not having that special person around to make you feel so very good inside. In some form, I’ve gone through (or still am) all of those to some degree. Lately it seems things are getting better for various reasons. Or maybe my outlook has just changed a little. For some reason the 1 year “anniversary” of my mom passing didn’t really hit me as hard as I had expected, but in some ways it seems like either she, God, or just myself in some way or another lifted a weight of my shoulders and allowed me to “move on” more so than I’d ever been able to for that entire year. It’s been nearly a month since that day, but looking back I can tell. She still comes into my mind at least every day, which is (really) good to me. But I’m no longer dwelling on it as much as I used to, at least in a bad way. Other people have come (or reappeared) into my life, helping me find happiness and bliss once again. In many ways I have to see all of this happening as a (really delayed…) answer to countless prayers. A lot of things, feelings, events, etc that have happened in the past month couldn’t have been put together by shear chance or circumstance. At least I sincerely doubt it could. Either way doesn’t change the present from being what it is; grand.